028: The Inspirer

I just finished reading his latest post. I'm continually amazed by the power of his words. Reading his words is like I'm the earth, the crust underneath me moves, causing a violent earthquake, leaving in its wake a terrain forever changed. I'm transformed. Reading his words is like discovering your own heart for the very first time. Well, don't take my word for it; read them for yourself. I need to start importing my Erasure CDs into my iTunes, so that I can put them in my iPod. Hmm... I should go to sleep, though. After I Say I Say I Say.

027: 第四部:七六〜百

Here we are. The end. Enjoy the last 25 things about me.

Addendum: I've erased the last 25 things about me. I decided to combine all four parts into one. The complete list can be found here. (04/28/05)

026: What Just Happened?

Constatine is voted off? The guy I picked to go as far as the final three is kicked off. I'm stunned. But only until I finish this post. Scott and Anthony were lucky. What's wrong with you, America? Anthony? Scott??? Well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it. Moving on.

025: Woe Be the Ectomorph

So I’ve been diligent, or obsessed, I don’t know which, about getting fit and fitness in general. (I wonder if there’s a clear delineating line that separates diligence from obsession. Anyways,) hating how scrawny and lanky I am, a change was required and a decision needed making. It was incumbent that I transform my uninspired, lazy-ass self to become a runner of treadmills, a lifter of weights, a frequenter of local gym. A day’s visit would last about good two hours, beginning with endorphin releasing cardio, continuing on with some iron pumping, finishing up with swimming—to cool down, of course. Yes, a good workout routine, if I do say so myself. And I’d put myself in the repeat mode for five days. Like a good diligent ant, I’ve followed this routine, often throwing in yoga to the mix for good measures, for about a good three months time.

“What’s the goal behind this binge, this uncharacteristic dedication to fitness?” you may ask. Go on. Ask. Good. Well, it’s like this (and I’ll write my answer with the dead serious, straightest face possible): I want to become an Adonis that I believe I can mold out of me. In other words, quoting Lester Burnham (a.k.a. Kevin Spacey) in American Beauty, “I want to look good naked.” I want to see defined muscles bulging out of me, but of course not like those steroid abusing, muscle bunnies—you know the type, the ones whose muscles have muscles. Again, I want to look good naked.

Like I said, I’ve been working out regularly, no, religiously, for three months. I’ve been eating right: for instance, increased my protein intake—I’m trying everyday to put in my body one gram of protein per every pound I weigh. So, I should see some progress, right? But, no! The gods of nature, namely Genetics, have blessed me as G-d had blessed the Egyptians with the plagues. (I thought this reference would be apropos since we’re in the midst of Passover season.) Alas, it was determined that my bone structure would be frail, that when I wrap my hand over my wrist my thumb and my middle finger would overlap, that due to my fast metabolism and unusual bowel movement gaining weight would forever be a challenge. Should someone hold up a stick, like a pencil or a chopstick, for example, and compared it to me, that person would note the remarkable likeness. To sum it up, it was determined—my DNA be damned—that I’d be an ectomorph, a hardgainer. My dream of becoming a sexy Korean god, looking good naked, oozing sexuality … there it goes, up, up, and away … oh, don’t go … oh, oh … good bye.

Well, to achieve my desired goal, I have to do the following. (1) I have to eat constantly. It’s recommended that six meals a day is ideal. Yes, no problem indeed. I have the time and the resources to stuff myself to no end. Better yet, can anyone find me a health care professional who’d be willing to insert a feeding tube directly into my stomach? Then I’d have a constant stream of nutritional goodness coming into my body. (2) I need to cut down on cardiovascular exercises. Again, not even an issue. Sure, my source of endorphin rush, a natural means of getting high, is gone. It’s not important that I should feel good for exercising. No, not important at all. (3) I need to weight train. Good, I’ve got something right! But wait, what is this? Machines are useless? I should lift with free weights? Hmm… Okay, okay. This is good. Very good. Let’s look around and see who uses free weights in my gym. Yes, we have the juiced up, muscles-having-muscles paradigm of man’s excess or perfection (or however the way you’d prefer to look at them) making a guy like me forever feel small, inferior, insignificant. It's not intimidating. Hardly. No, no, I’m not intimi... Me? No Siree. You know what? I’m blessed because, my goodness, it’s been pre-determined that I’d be damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Nothing feels as good as the proverbial saying, stuck between a rock and a hard place, being an appropriate metaphor for my predicament.

Three months without any results.
Three months of doing it all wrong.
Three months of needless dedication and diligence.

What’s the point?

I’m losing my motivation.

Any suggestions?

024: A Retraction

I wasn't going to write about this. But I saw his post entitled "Shades of Grey", and I figured I'll put my two cents into the discussion.

In my previous post, I've given my "it's the best show ever" endorsement to Grey's Anatomy. Mainly because I thought they were trying to destroy some stereotypes. But I think it was too premature. Two episodes ago, I thought I saw something between Cristine (Sandra Oh) and Dr. Burke (Isaiah Washington), a hint of romance, and I actually groaned. Then in the last episode, my suspicion was confirmed.

Is that all? How utterly cliché!

I don't have a problem with interracial coupling; in fact, I want to see more of it. What I do have a problem is networks shying away from showing interracial coupling between a minority and a white lead. I can hear white, middle America gasping. What if on T.V. they see a dark-skinned man getting it on with—hang on now—a white woman? Is the only form of interracial coupling that's acceptable between two minority groups?

And why is that when we see some interracial couples that involve Asians only Asian women are used? I'm tired of Asian men in the mainstream media getting relegated to play the "eunuch," devoid of sexual prowess, incapable of eliciting desires from others around him. I'm tired of it! When, oh, when can I see a sexy Asian man--and that's not an oxymoron—getting it on with a Nubian queen, a hot Latin mama, or even a white chick?

Should I continue, I think my tirade will escalate, therefore I shall stop here for now.

023: Ingenious

Read this article, then check out their site, and generate your own. Also check this out. Here's mine.

022: Habemus Papam, Benedictum XVI

...un semplice e umile lavoratore nella vigna del Signore

Besides describing himself as simple and humble, the new Pope adds in his "Urbi et Orbi" address that he is a laborer in the Vineyard of the Lord. While the news media have focused on and questioned the former Cardinal Ratzinger's description of himself as simple and humble, I think they've missed an important message within Pope Benedict's address: What did he mean by calling himself a worker in the Lord's Vineyard?

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardner. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.... Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
- John 15: 1~6

This is what John records as what Jesus has said. Now Pope Benedict identifies himself as a worker who aids the gardner, God the Father, who cuts off those who don't remain in Christ. It's been said that the Church is the body of Christ, and since Jesus calls himself the vine, the people of the church, the body of Christ, are the vine's branches. And it has been the Church's duty to teach us how to remain in Christ.

Could the Pope have meant that the distractors and critics of the Catholic church's teachings - those who hope for women priests, married priests, contraception usage, acceptance of homosexuals - are the branches that bear no fruit, easily thrown into the fire and burned? Was his message a warning to the Catholics of Europe and North America to toe the line? I believe this pope has set a strong, unequivocal theme to his papacy: all Catholics must obey, or face the consequences!

Hmm. I can't but be reminded of an old Sunday School lesson: after King Solomon's death, his son Rehoboam ascended to the throne. The whole assembly of Israel went to the new king and asked the "heavy yoke" King Solomon placed on them to be made lighter. King Rehoboam rejected the people's demand and promised a heavier yoke. If you want to know what happened to Israel, read 1 King 12.

021: Since I'm Free...

...I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm done with studying! No more will I spend at least three hours a day (only during weekdays, of course) revising and taking sample tests. The results will come in about six weeks time and I'm hoping for the best. Now since I don't have this to obsess over, what do I do now?

What? Get a real job?

Yeah; after taking a long, nine-week hiatus from hardcore job search, I need to get back on the horse. That's something I need to do presently, but what do I do now?

I hear me some thump-thump-thi-thump-thuh-rumps. Here's to a good night out - hopefully.

020: Is ABC the New NBC?

Call me partial, but since Friends and Frasier have ended their long illustrious runs, NBC no longer holds my unabated attention. Joey sucks; the Apprentice is getting old; ER…I don’t like any of the characters anymore; and how many different manifestations of Law and Order do we need until it’s enough? Only show NBC offers that’s worth watching is the West Wing, because, hello? it’s the best show ever!

So, I’ve gravitated towards ABC. Although ABC is equally guilty of saturating the airwaves with Real-ly-Crap-ity TV, it has come up with really great drama series. It all started with Lost. Granted that I didn’t begin watching it until the end of last year, but one viewing was all I needed to become an addict. The character-driven drama that threads so many fascinating stories, the eclectic ensemble cast, the mysteries surrounding the island and its castaway inhabitants, these are some of the reasons why Lost is the best show ever! And there’s no way we can ignore Desperate Housewives. Every episode there is an unexpected twist that makes you go, Wow! The show constantly surprises and, at the end of every episode, you want to be neighbors with these… (now I’m searching my Thesaurus, because I don’t want to use the word, “fabulous,” ever…okay, this might due…) striking ladies of Wisteria Lane. And two words: Jesse Metcalfe. What more can I say? Desperate Housewives is the best show ever!

Finally, we have Grey’s Anatomy. Thank you, ABC for completing my Sunday night TV binge fest, and please take as long as you need to bring back, or not—preferably, Boston Legal. Although only three episodes aired, I’ve already fallen in love with all the characters. I’ll skip over the lead character, Meredith Grey, played by Ellen Pompeo, because I’m sure most reviews will write about her...lots and very favorably, and she doesn't need me to adore her, even though I do. So, I want to give props to the other “interns,” who may get passed over. I love how a nerdy-looking character like George, played by T.R. Knight, isn’t really nerdy at all, dorky—yes, and yet strangely I’m drawn to this gentle and sweetheart of a guy. Izzie, played by Katherine Heigl, is flawlessly beautiful and blonde, which most of us would peg the type as being bitchy and dumb. Au contraire, mes amis, Izzie comes off as one of the kindest and thoughtful characters. Antithesis to Izzie, we have Cristina, played by Sandra Oh of Sideways’s fame. Cristina, I would say, is not a complete stereotype—Hallelujah, finally! She’s not completely stereotypical because like most Asian ladies I know, she’s hell-bent on being the best. But thankfully unlike them, who play the demure role in front of families, acquaintances, and strangers, Cristina has no mask and is refreshingly, unabashedly Cruella DeVil incarnate. One character I love to hate is Alex, played by Justin Chambers, because he plays the stereotype of a Frat-boy to perfection, yet with Alex there's a hint of a façade. I feel this show has great potential, the endless tragicomic scenarios it can have… All I can say is, writers, don’t fuck it up! And by the way, can I say, Grey’s Anatomy is the best show ever!?


One interesting thing I’ve noted is two ABC dramas have given prominent air-time to ethnic Korean actors. I’ve already talked about Sandra Oh, a Korean-Canadian, of Grey’s Anatomy. Lost has Yunjin Kim, a Korean actress, who played a lead role in an awesome Korean movie called Shiri. And also from Lost, we have Daniel Dae Kim, a Korean-American actor, who’s doing a great job portraying an over-the-top stereotypical Korean husband/wife-beater. Sigh, I guess I can’t complain too much, because this is a start of our exposure in American pop media. Okay, here’s my mini-rant: so far most of the images of Asian males in American pop media, I’d say, have been negative. Most dramas set in a contemporary time, if they showcased an Asian male character at all, had him play a very minor role. He is a grocery/laundry/liquor-store owner who barely speaks English and always with an accent, and he’d always be in a state of agitation/get shot/frustrate the lead character by not doing what the lead asks. At least Jin, Daniel’s character, is being fleshed out: we’re learning about his past, we’re seeing his present, and we are discovering what he dreams for his future—Jin is a three dimensional character and not a caricature. So, I’m hopeful and can’t really complain too much. It’s a start. So ABC, here is my kudos to you.

019: I Live in the Now

On a Sun soaked day
In the greatest town on Earth
I'm taking a stroll

From down the street...

A boy throws a fit
Tugging at his nanny's arm
But she trudges on

As we cross path...

Her face is stone cold
Revealing nothing, but wait—
Did her eyes just roll?

Giving her a nod
One, full of understanding
I crack a huge smile

How precious is this
A moment of connection
Between two strangers

Continuing my walk...

On a Sun soaked day
In the greatest town on Earth
I realize it

I am fortunate.

I live in the Now.

018: My Apologies

I feel so bad. I just want to explain that the gaps in post numbers are due to me: I’m unable to finish what I've started. Well, it just that once I've ideas about what I want to write about, I eagerly jot them down on my journal. Then as soon as I get home or have some free time, rushing over to my computer and firing it up, I let my fingers dance over the keyboard. At first the flow is good. The words I string together hold the full meaning of what I want to convey. Yet somewhere in between the sturdy beginning and the illusive end, a dike gets erected, ceasing the creative juice's flow with a violent jolt of self-doubt…. I hear my English Professor telling me that my inability to write well is because English isn't my native tongue, having been born outside the natural borders of ‘English-dom’—although I’ve lived within these borders for two decades. I’m still letting her affect me, causing me to distrust my ability and potentiality. Fuck her! The impasse shall pass. (I’m sorry, that was the lamest sentence I’ve ever written so far.)

Anyways, I will get those posts done. Je promets.

017: 第三部:七一〜七五

The complete list can be found here. (04/28/05)

016: My Anger Boileth Over

I have to say somehow my dad's side of family seem to produce a higher number of crazies. Yes, I have crazy relatives. And I want to have nothing to do with any of them. While my dad will go the extra mile to accomodate his brothers and sisters and their families, I could care less about them. I will never go to them for help, and I expect the same courtesy.

Okay, I admit, perhaps, I'm being too harsh. I don't really feel that way for all my relatives from my dad's side. It's just a select few that irks me to no end. And there are still a few I haven't met, so I shouldn't judge them...just yet.

It's just that today, correction: last night, I was dragged to an event where my crazy cousin (my dad's sister's daughter), whom I had never met before until, unfortunately for me, now, and who is almost twice my age, gave an "inspirational" speech. What a laugh! Yes, I was inspired to never ever become like her. However much my great uncle (my dad's uncle), whom I call "grandpa," admires her "achievements" and wants me to emulate her, I will never ever become like her.

I congratulate her success, but she's formed a little cult with her own immediate family. All her children were adopted, and I seriously think she brain-washed them into worshipping her. She has a little personality cult centered around her like Kim Jung Il does in North Korea. Not only her family duped, but she's been successful in duping countless others, thus having a following. How was she able to garner herself loyal followers? you may ask. Well, if I give you that information, you may be able to find out her identity... Let's just say that I can tell you, but I have to kill you. Seriously, it's best that you not find out about her. Well, it's in my best interest that you not find out about her. I'm being honest here.

Well, let me describe to you what her "pep" talk was like. We were bombarded for 30 minutes of a video of her hobnobbing with the rich and the powerful. Also we saw clip after clip of her giving a talk to an enraptured crowd in a full auditorium; these poor fools were totally falling for her crap! It was such an effective propaganda tool in self promotion, akin to being masturbatory: it made me want to gouge out my own eyes and cut off my own ears. I'm sorry, but I can't stand people who are so full of themselves. Then came the actual talk. It was, well, how can I delicately put it, oh yes, POINTLESS. It was the inanest speech I've heard. Let me summarize it for you: "this fabulous 'me' who stands before you had a hard life growing up, but I was just 'me' and God blessed 'me,' and now this 'me' is very successful. And you, too, can be just like 'me.'" Just be like you and I'll be monetarily rich? What kind of bullshit is that? Granted a slight green eye in me might be making me trash talk my cousin, but come on! If success means, having the lamest catchphrase ever conceived, and duping people into paying me to speak nonsense, then...

Hold up, what am I saying? I should emulate her completely! Fuck it, I'll be vapid and superficial, and not to mention, self-centered. Then, I'll have a fabulous, but empty, life. Who cares if I have no substance? If I have you loving me (in the form of cash), I'll be forever happy.