226: Fuuka Update

Granted, Fuuka is an awful name (I blame my idiotic brother-in-law), but just look at her! Just look at her! Gaze upon her cherubic face and marvel at her beauty.

Now, when you comment, dear Readers, please use at least three adjectives to describe my new niece, Fuuka.

225: I'm #1

What site comes up first when you google "if I lay here?"

That's right!


I'm #1. Woohoo!

224: NOOOOOooooooooo......

What do this: and this: have in common?

Although there's nothing wrong with either one of them, there's something foul afoot when their names sound the same. Which, by the way, confirms my suspicion that my sister is an idiot.

Seriously!

Worst still, what if people associate this: with this: ?

Sigh. What can I do? For my niece's sake, I pray that she stays put in Japan and never meets anyone who speaks English.

Everyone, this is my niece: , 楓花 or Huuka (Fuuka).

223: Introducing...

...my niece. Yet to be named.

She's so ugly! Just look at her flat nose!

Why is my niece so ugly? The girl had better learn to smile! Look at her. She's not even a day old and she's going to have creases! Frowning like that.

Her stats...
Birthday: December 21, 2006
Sign: Sagittarius
Time of Birth: 04:10 (JST)
Weight: 2.93 kg (6.45 lbs)

222: I'm An Uncle ... Again

My sister had a baby. Her fourth child. And she gave birth to my niece ... tomorrow.

Yes, you heard me right. Tomorrow.

Although today is December 20, 2006. My niece WAS born in the morning of December 21, 2006. Japanese time. A morning in Japan is a day before in the evening in New York. Or, tonight in New York is tomorrow morning in Japan.

Still confused?

No? Good.

Now, my sister just needs to tell me the baby's name. And she'd best send a picture! I shall post it when she does. I need to populate this blog with cute pictures.

Yay, I'm an uncle... again.

221: More Than Incidentally...

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 3.95

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this exercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

More than incidentally, I could possibly take applications for a future wife as well. More than incidentally, I can live a life my parents want for me. Maybe.

NOT!!!

220: Spend Time With Me

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		6
Acts of Service:		5
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Apparently, if you don't mind being handcuffed and tied to me and forced to tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies, you are a perfect candidate to be my husband. I'm taking applications.

219: Narcissus's Ugly Sister

I've managed to be soberly this morning. So now I want to hash up a conversation I had with someone I met at the Holiday party. It started out with us talking about work, and then...

Her: (Incoherent) hot. Aren't you?
Me: Thank you.

Then, she gave me this awkward look. With a slight head shake, she continues. Enunciating.

Her: It's really hot in here. I'm hot.

It dawns on me. She wasn't saying I was hot. Oops. If not for the alcohol in my blood, my face would have revealed my embarassment.

Me: Oh, yes. It's hot.

I look away. Then, quickly I face her and smile as nothing had happened.


Now, I've been mulling over that particular exchange during my commute to the office. And I came to the conclusion that I could have executed the ending a lot better. So, let's revisit the scene.

Her: (Incoherent) hot. Aren't you?
Me: Thank you.
Her: It's really hot in here. I'm hot.
***
Me: Oh, yes. I know. Thank you. I'm the source of the hotness.

And then, I'd smile, a victor's smile.

Or... ooo... I could have said something like, "Global warming has nothing on me." Or like, "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm just too hot. You're just feeling my hotness" Or something equally inane.

218: Narcissism Becomes Me

My office had a Holiday Party.

I'm slightly inebriated.

After the party, I went up to Hell's Kitchen to meet and socialize with the ski group I joined. I didn't get to meet any new people, but that's okay. I'm fine with that.

Afterwards, I walked over to Rockefeller Center to marvel at the Christmas tree.

Ain't it a beaut? Then, I figured, I should hassle random strangers to take pictures of my handsome mug. So, hassle, I did. And here are the fruits of my labor:

Okay, you can start falling in love with me. Tell me how cute, handsome, hot, etc. I am. Especially with my rosy cheeks. Seriously, aren't I cute?

*mwah*

217: One Hand in My Pocket

I swear, the way I'm spending money these days, you'd think I'm loaded.

I’m not. I gots nuthing to unload, y’all.

I’m a pauper with a huge hole in his pocket. You see, I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving a high five. And a ten; not to mention a twenty, a fifty, and a hundred. Let’s just say that I’m very giving.

Let me recount my extravagant expenses:

1. Parents’ anniversary dinner. [Check]
2. Dad’s friend and his wife visit NY, and I pay for dinner. [Check] (I’m just glad I didn’t have to pay for their hotel stay.)
3. Christmas gifts for my little cousins. I’ll end up giving them money, so… [Check]
4. A round trip flight ticket to Seattle for Mom. [Check]
5. Oh, I've signed up with this group in NYC, where members go on ski trips. So, I've booked a vacation with them. Deposit payment. [Check]
6. Now, I need to buy a few gear here and there. [Pending]
7. And I must pay the rest of the payment for the vacation next year. [Pending]
8. Others [Pending] (Just in case.)

Eh. You only live once.

I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving the peace sign.

216: A Lesson Learned

Today, I've learned that there are bisques other than a lobster. I've also learned that a bisque is a highly seasoned, thick, creamy soup, where the main ingredient is puréed. I've learned that a spinach bisque from Dean & Deluca in SoHo is rather good. But I've also learned that the staff do not know how to give the customer what they've ordered. You see, instead of a half a roast beef sandwich I ordered, they gave me a half a chicken sandwich. I'm utterly devastated.

Moving on.

215: 100TAM 2.0 (Work In Progress #3)

The list has been updated. Please go here.

214: The e-mail: Shallow or Deep?

In my previous post, I shared with you all my response to an e-mail from a first time reader. He has given me permission to post his e-mail to me. So, I'm going to share. But, even though he didn't ask, he will remain anonymous to you all. m'kay. good.

Hey,

[___]. I saw your recent comment on [___] blog and followed the link to your blog. And I read a bit. You sound like a good guy, with all the insecurities etc that we all have.

But the reason that I'm writing you is I wanted to respond to your 11/23/06 post. I think that I know how shitty you must have felt about your friend M. I only came out at 32 (being 36 now) and therefore hadn't dated much. So my friendships have been (and still are) immensely important to me. So, I know how crappy it can feel when a friend lets you down--especially an important friend. Even though I do feel that I have a good group of friends, I too have had the experience of hearing about plans or events that I wasn't included in. It's that sick to your stomach feeling, where you wonder why I wasn't invited. I, like you, like everybody, want to feel that I matter to someone. So, the main thing is that I wanted to share with you that I get what you're saying.

I hope you don't mind (even though I don't know you) but I wanted to share a story with you. From [___], I know that a blog is often a place to just vent so you may not want input, so you can take it or leave it.

And the other thing is this--(as [___] will attest to, I can get lecture-ish sometimes), here's a big lesson that helped me a lot. Maybe it something that you totally get, but hear me out. One of my best friends is this guy named Chris. Chris and I have been friends since the first month of freshman year in college. I'm Caucasian, Jewish (well, sort of) and pretty American in my thinking. He's from a South Pacific island and arrived here when he was 14 years old. So, not exactly the same upbringing for us.

Anyway, he is and always has been a great friend. But it's been a learning friendship--it's sometimes challenging being friends with him because we think so differently. And to prove this. During sophomore year of college, I found out about something that he did that totally pissed me off. I fumed for a bit and then decided to talk to him. At some point during the conversation I asked him, "Why would you do that?!" And he basically just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal." A light bulb went off for me. Of course, I knew intellectually that people don't think the same, but it was only at that point, at 20 yrs old, that I really, really "got it."

I realized, "Holy shit. He really DIDN'T think it was a big deal!" I was still pissed and had a right to be. We talked it through and resolved it. But it made me realize how that I'd been projecting my value system onto others and how it wasn't working for me. I expected people to think as I did (having an identical twin brother--no, he's not gay--didn't help this matter). If [I] had done to [me] what Chris did to me, that would suck. But that wasn't the case. Don't get me wrong, it's still a struggle for me to really realize that people think differently. But when I do "get it," it saves me a lot of misery (not all of it, but a lot).

You seem like a deep guy. And I hate to tell you this--as you probably already know for yourself--it's been a struggle to realize that most people won't interact at that deep level. But as I've gotten older, I've found more and more people who do. I agree with the blog comment that M was probably just being thoughtless as opposed to doing something purposely crappy.

Anyway, again, the main point, I wanted to convey, was that I know how you feel.

Take care,
[___]

213: The Response: Shallow or Deep?

I received a cool e-mail from a first time reader. He read this post and decided to write me. I wrote him back and I decided that I wanted to post my e-mail to him. So, without further ado, here's my response:

Hi [___],

Thank you for your thoughtful email. Wow! Your email lifted my spirit.

And by the way, my name is Jake. [___]. It's cool that you found my blog through a comment I left at "[___]."

I feel a bit cathartic now hearing from someone like you who identifies with and understands how I feel. I know I'm not the only person who feels... disappointment, hurt, or whatnot, and it's a great affirmation to hear that I'm not as isolated as I tend to locked myself into thinking.

I know and understand that not all people think alike, that I can't interact with everyone the way I think we should: at a deep level. I get it. Although, like you, I do find it at times difficult to "get it" ...

And your email just reminded me why I was so disappointed with the whole situation with M. You wrote: "So, I know how crappy it can feel when a friend lets you down--especially an important friend." Important friend. When I read it, I had to wonder if I have ever thought of M as an important friend. Immediately, I scoffed, because from the start, M stated that he wanted to separate his work life from his personal life, that he does not want his two worlds colliding. He made it clear that I was a co-worker. But since his declaration, I may have interpreted some of his actions, like him calling me his friend, as something like.., I don't know, him considering me his friend. When in fact, he was calling everyone his friend as Eddie was so prone to do.

And the problem is I've forgotten what I've learned from Eddie. One of the lessons is that I can't always interact with some individual the way I think we should interact. That not all friendships will be deep. As I've written: "In college, I was friends with those who wanted to be my friend. Some of these friendships were shallow and some were deep. Some friendships died off, some grew." I had applied the lesson learned.

But my grief from that night with M stems from the fact that because "M is the first gay man I met outside of blogosphere, a non-virtual gay man, if you will, to whom I've told that I'm gay," I've somehow managed to put him at a different level... perhaps on a pedestal. Hmm, I wonder if I'm making any sense... Because he was the first non-virtual gay man to whom I was truthful in regards to the man I am, maybe I felt that he'd take me by the hand and help me navigate the complex terrains of the gaydom, sans sex. I admit it's an unwarranted expectation. But at the very least, I wanted to learn from him. So, maybe deep down, he was an important person for me. And I will admit, I had once hoped that the word proceeding "important" in the previous sentence had been replaced with the word, "friend," and "was" with "is."

Yes, with M, I've forgotten the lessons of Eddie. I should have let this non-"friendship" with M remain as such, non-existent. I let my lonely heart speak for me, when I should have listened to my clinical mind.

And I do agree with TK's comment and your email: M was being thoughtless; he wasn't trying to be purposely crappy. But I still come to the same conclusion: I'm hurt, not because of M's action, but because of my reaction. And I'm trying not be beat myself up for it. Friendship is like investment. With M, it was an investment without profit. I lost. But I'm trying... no, I won't... no, I'm not beating myself up for it.

Sheesh, I'm sorry for the long-winded reply to your email, [___]. My original purpose was to thank you for letting me know you know how I feel. It means a great lot.

Thank you again,

Jake

212: People Must Die

Because I am a horrid, horrid man, I tend to wish (and I wish upon a star real hard, cuz those are the ones that really count); yes, I wish certain subway commuters gruesome death. At the very least.

To the following people:

• If you are someone, when riding the escalator, who won't move to one side to let others pass by, I wish you dead.
• If you are someone who pushes their way into a subway car when there are still passengers trying to get out, I wish you die a painful death.
• If you are an old lady with an excruciatingly sharp elbow, die! Just die already. Please! You're taking up valuable space and resources.
  
• If you are fat and take up 2.5 seats during the morning rush hour when every subway car is like a sardine can, go to the gym, go on a diet, lose that weight, or else, I have to wish you dead, dead, dead.
  
• And finally, if you are someone who clips their nails inside a subway car, which by the way isn't your fucking personal space, I wish for all the nail clippings in the world to be gathered, so that those human wastes will be forced fed to you spoonful by spoonful, and if you happen to vomit the acid treated, yet protein rich bolus (mmm, delicious) out, then that, too, will be forced fed to you. I wish you all that. And I wish you die a painful, slow death. Then I want you resuscitated and revived, so that you can be fed that nurishing goodness again, until you die a painful, slow death again. And we can repeat ad infinitum.
  

211: Remembrance

Last year this day my mom's aunt, my great aunt, passed away. Today her family and her relatives gathered to remember her. Besides the fact that I don't "do" family functions well, as you, my loyal readers, know already, the thing is, I had a hard time remembering the person who've passed away. I've known Grandma (that's what I've called her) and interacted with her since I was a boy, even before I had moved to New York. But there wasn't a single 'specific, vivid' memory, fond or otherwise, that popped into my head. It scared me. It scared me to know how good I am in detaching myself from those I should care about, from those who should be close to me. Could this be an indication that I am incapable of loving or being loved?

210: A Home Is Where the Heart Is

Hmm... Is a home where the heart is?

Nope, I beg to differ.

A home is where I know I can buy for a scrap... Scrap? Who am I kidding? Correction: A home is where I know i can buy for a assload and sell in about 5 to 10 years time for a huge shitload.

Could a condo in Williamsburg be just that? Could my home be it? I don't know. I have lots to think about.

I mean, sure, condos in Brooklyn are generally cheaper than ones in Manhattan. And should the price of a unit be the same in both areas, indubitably I'd get more space in Brooklyn than in Manhattan. But do I want to live in Brooklyn?

New Yorkers, what say you? What should I do?

209: There's Still A Long Way To Go

According to UNAIDS, There are, on this Earth, these numbers:

39.5 million ... People living with HIV
4.3 million ... People infected this year with HIV
2.9 million ... People dead due to AIDS this year

These people are your father, your mother, your brother, and your sister;
These people are your friends, your neighbors;
They are your son and your daughter;
They are your partner, your wife, your husband, your better half;
They are you.

Protect yourself; wear a condom.