Wednesday, January 23, 2008

262: Why None of the Republican Candidates Should Be Our President.

First of all, I'm glad Fred Thompson is out of the race. He bored me. Then again, I think every Republican candidate in this year's presidential election is boring and crazy. It's sad that the once progressive party of Lincoln and (Teddy) Roosevelt was ruined with the likes of Nixon, Reagan, and Bush Jr.

But let's get back to the candidates. Here are my reasons why none of these white men should become our next president. Their names are NOT presidential.

Consider "Fred." Seriously! Can you really see our president with the name "Fred"? Fred's your obese buddy with acne issues from across the street, not your Commander-in-Chief.

And then there's "Rudy." ... Bwahahahahaha. 'Nuff said.

Can someone also please tell me what kind of name is "Mitt"? I did a search; and apparently, it's short for Milton. Last time I checked we live in the 21st Century, not in the 17th.

Now let's analyze the name "Huckabee." To me, this name says, "I'm a hick." But I guess it's a good name to write bad poetry with, because you can rhyme the hell out that name.

And then there's "Ron Paul." Or is it "Paul Ron?" He should get a real last name instead of using a first name as his last.

Then there was a time in our history when a guy whose name was McCarthy terrorized America with his fear-mongering. Although John's name isn't McCarthy, he still shares the "Mc" in "McCain." And Cain really isn't a good name either. Remember "Cain and Abel" from Sunday school? And we've had a McSomething in the White House already. I looked it up. On Wikipedia. He was a Republican too. Was he memorable? Obviously not, because I had to look it up.

So there you have it. We already had two presidents with the same, ridiculous name. I'll give you a hint: it's a type of plant or the hair around your swimsuit area. So, let's vote someone with a cool name.

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