034: A Psalm

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.

Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.
But truly, it was in Your image I was made, an apple of the Father’s eye by design.
And verily, when the Son shed his sanctifying blood, I, a sinner, was born again.
Love’s great plan unfolds, my spirit’s forever united.

Yet, I am told You are no longer near, and I am told the blame lies with me.
My spirit is bruised and battered, and my soul is exhausted and empty.
Many times my mouth uttered repentant words, O God, and many times my eyes shed contrite tears.

You desire truth in my inner parts; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Under an olive tree I sat to listen for the truth within; thus with my eyes closed I sought counsel.
Now my heart yearns for Your ears’ attention; hence hear the wisdom you instilled in this shattered soul:

Accept me as I am, O God, and heal this broken spirit of mine.
Embrace me within Your mighty bosom, and set your Holy Spirit to be a light upon my path.
Revel for me in my foolish assurance of Your unending love, and take pleasure in me of this joyful spirit.

Indeed, You cannot be satisfied with my false façade, a lie perpetuated so as to look good in Your children's eyes.
Truly, one who stands righteous and holy on his own merits repulses You.
Because verily it is only through Your love, he is made perfect.
The blood cleanses, my spirit’s forever humbled.

Yet as Job’s friends had admonished him to repent, they tell me I’ve chosen the wrong path.
What sin had Job committed? Wasn’t Job favored for being true?
Many times his mouth cried out for death, O God, and many times his eyes shed angry tears.

Job demanded truth to be spoken; therefore You ripped wide Heaven’s veil.
Hiding his head under the sackcloth he heard You roar; thus with his eyes wide open he uncovered life’s mystery.
You are who You are; hence no one can boast of knowing Your judgment for me.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me,
I long for a heart that celebrates the mystery of Your unfathomable mind;
And I seek a spirit that holds steadfast in absolute certainty of Your love for me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
It was in your presence, the man that I am was formed, Your hands fashioned, molded me;
And it was Your Holy Spirit that breathed life in me, a life valued so precious that blood was shed.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.
The joy is knowing that, whatever others may say, I am loved—saved from self-loathing and willed to soar in confidence.

Accept me as I am, O God, and heal this broken spirit of mine.
As You lay Your hand on me, Lord, let it not be cut down again by my enemies,
By those who proclaim my inheritance is forfeit for being who I am.

Embrace me within Your mighty bosom, and set your Holy Spirit to be a light upon my path.
In Your protection, the man that I am grows strong, Your light keeps me true to Your greatest commandment:
Love Your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind;
And Love your neighbor as yourself.

So, revel for me in my foolish assurance of Your unending love, and take pleasure in me of this joyful spirit.
I am gay today, as I had been even before I had form in my mother's womb and as I will be even after I'm buried.
I shall dance as David had with all his might believing in the Lord’s unending favor;
I shall wrestle as Jacob had till daybreak, till his hip was wrenched, to receive the Lord’s blessing.

Favor me,
Bless me,
Bless me anyway.

Favor me the child whom You shed the Son’s blood for,
Bless me the child whom You’ve created and known even before conception,
Bless me anyway.

With my hands raised to the Heaven,
With my face held up to gaze Your Face,
I say this little prayer.

Father, I am gay;
Bless me anyway.