The Korean family.
The first question should be: what is it?
The simple answer is what most of us are used to: a unit of individuals made up of at least one parent and one child. (See: nuclear family) Whether you are an Albanian or a Zimbabwean, I'm sure we can all agree on this definition.
But for a traditional Korean family, the nuclear family tends to be extended to include at least one paternal grandparent, and your father's brother and his nuclear family. (See: extended nuclear family)
I've been debating with myself for some good thirty minutes, deciding on which word would be apropos to begin the next sentence, and invariably the word that I've chosen, the word that seems right to me, is to follow right after the ellipsis... Unfortunately, due to the fact my grandparents fucked like bunnies, I've five uncles (and two aunts—according to tradition, a woman shouldn't be counted as your family because once she marries she leaves the family to become a member of her husband's). Considering that they've their own nuclear families, my extended nuclear family is HUGE. When I was a child growing up in Korea, having uncles and aunts-in-law who constantly doted on you, and cousins who were less like cousins and more like brothers and sisters, having them around was a joyful blessing. But now... not so much. Could the distaste I have for my family stem from their ceaseless and baseless worrying about me aging without a respectable profession that brings in the Benjamins to support the parents and, this is the catcher, me being still single? Hells Yeah. Wait, wait... I shall acknowledge and agree with those of you who will say that it's nice to have around people who care for you, but when they all tell me to hurry up and become a doctor, so that they can set me up with a nice girl. Umm... No, thank you. And why is it that I have to become a doctor or have a career first for them to set me up? It makes me wonder about their priorities in life, and please excuse the lack of literary elegance, but it just makes me sad. But fortunately, they are far and away from me, with most of them still in Korea and some who are living in America staying a comfortable distance away in the Left Coast.
From here, we enter the realm of "extended family," contrasted with "extended nuclear family." So far, I've describe my family in a POV centered around me. But when we deal with the extended family one must view the family unit with a parent-centric POV. My dad's grandfather had three sons and several daughters. So these sons and daughters, who are my grandfather's siblings, require that I call them my "grandparents," because they belong to the same generational line as my grandfather. It's a Korean thing. So, continuing with that reasoning, my dad's cousins, or rather his uncles' children, since they belong to the same generational line as my dad, they are my uncles and aunts. And as we continue down the convoluted family tree, these uncles' and aunts' children become my cousins who can be equated as being my siblings.
The second question: why are you telling me this?
Last Night
Well, although I may be free from the clutches of my extended nuclear family, my dad's uncle lives in New York. And this grandpa has made it a mission to include me in whatever family function he has. So, here now begins my tale.
NY Grandpa's eldest grandson, W, will soon be entering college, so the family decided to throw him a going away party. I, however, was invited with a direction from NY Grandpa to impart to my young cousin, W, my experiences being a college student. In other words, I was to be a good older brother, advising him on what he should do and what he shouldn't do.
However much I tried to avoid this function, I was cornered by NY Grandpa. I could not refuse, and off I went to W's party. But what wisdom could I ever hope to impart? Sigh. Whatever. Off I went still, not to advise but to eat. Throughout the night I was doing a good job pretending to be the older brother (in a Korean sense of the word); and W did an equally impressive job pretending to be the younger brother. For a kid born in America, he's done quite well being Korean—agreeing dutifully with your elders, namely NY grandpa, even when you know how erroneous they are; acquiescing to the demands of your elders, even though you know you will not follow through if you judge a demanded activity unverifiable by the aforementioned elder. W knew how to play the game.
While we were sitting around the dining table having desserts, W was surrounded by his Aunt, J, his uncle, H, his father, me, and obviously his overbearing and clueless grandparents. At one point NY Grandpa says to W, "You know your cousin, Jacob. Look how well he turned out. As you know he graduated from C University, he went to Japan to work... He started his new job and when he got his first check, he sent it to his father." By the way, I never did. It was one of the demands made by NY Grandpa, which I dutifully agreed to do while not actually following through. Well, the barrage of praises continued, making me feel extremely embarrassed. But then he says, "Jacob is a role model. You must be like him."
...
...
Huh?
How I've managed to not laugh... Good Lord.
The act that I put on with them... I hate it, but there's no alternative. It goes against my culture; the status quo must continue.
One last thing. My American born cousin, W, said something that piqued my righteous indignation.
Aunt J (AJ): You know who your roommate's going to be?What I wanted to say was, 'why would you compromise who you are to avert some baseless rejection you may get from some white guy? He may come to like Korean food. You shouldn't assume that he'll be offended by the food.'
Cousin W (CW): No, I've got a single.
Me: They gave you a single? So lucky.
AJ: Did you ask for a single?
CW: No. I filled out the form asking for a roommate.
ME: What did you say?
AJ: Did you tell them you have body odor?
CW: No! I asked for an Asian roommate.
AJ and Me: ...
AJ and Me: Why?
CW: Well, late at night when I'll get hungry, I'm gonna eat cup ramen. And white people don't like the smell of Korean food.
AJ and Me: ...
I don't know. Whatever.
I feel like I'm just rambling now. I'm going shut up and sign off.
Lastly, your own family, you can't live with them and you can't live without them.
By the way, I found a white guy who likes Korean food so much that he has a blog dedicated to it, along with other Asian cuisines. I think he's more knowledgeable about kimchi then I am. And when it comes to Korean food, he's more Korean than I am. Let me introduce you to kimchijon of evil jungle prince. And he's a hottie.
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