084: I Left My Heart in...

...hmmm, wrong city. There really isn't a song about Seattle, is there? Well, I had hope to regale you with tales of adventure, mystery, comedy, romance, and what-have-you, but, people, it's me.

But anyways, let me just share with you what I wrote in my journal.

August 28, 2005

Another beautiful day wasted here in Seattle... I guess dynamics of friendship will always change with distance and time. Don't get me wrong; it was great seeing J, his fiancée, and G. But I could never find an opportune time to let them know about me. Somehow I fear that telling them will forever change the way they look at me, and that's something I don't want. But then again, my mind doesn't know what it wants. If ignorance is bliss, why change a good thing? But whatever. Whatever! I tend to say that a lot, but whatever. Let's let it pass. The thing is what I've always wanted was a brother, a friendship so deep, so easy, that I can be who I am with him. Maybe, J and G are not the ones who can fulfill that for me. Perhaps I expect too much from people...

Welcome back to my blog post. I figure an explanation is needed, but I don't know how to start. (Rather, I don't feel like it.)

Besides friendship is overrated. Case in point, I refer you to this post. The silence really is deafening.

You know what? What one really needs is a lover. Clarification: What I need is a lover. Hmm... lover. What a funny word.

Anyways, any suggestions? AND by everything good and holy, if anyone mentions gay.com, I swear I'll hunt you down and bitch slap you so hard, the famous rotating head scene from The Exorcist will seem tame in comparison! (Ok, that felt good, a nonsensical emotional outburst against something I don't really care about... Sorry gay.com, You Are Not the Target.)

Fuck it! I need to get drunk.